The Roth Diary
by Nkcandygirl
Summary: I am the little girl who did not overcome evil, but became it instead. I am the betrayer of what I once considered my family. I am the adopted daughter of a man who brought countries to their knees. I am the apprentice that has the blood of more than a million people on my hands. I am Raven, now Rachael Roth, and this is the Roth Diary, story of my life.
1. January 2005

Nope, I do not own Teen Titans…

So this is Kyd Wykkyd- Raven's prize story for winning my holiday challenge! She wrote a very nice Aqua/Rae story called A Creepy Teen Titan Christmas! Check it out!

Ages (Oldest on left):

30-45ish?- Slade

18- Johnny Rancid, Cyborg, Kyd Wykkyd

17- Raven, Jinx, Robin, Starfire, Kid Flash

15- Beast Boy

Just a note the **ages will progress** through the story! **By the time we're through, we'll have gone through about eight years of Raven's life!**

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So this is short since it's a prologue!:

Debris lay all over the city. Blood, and bodies, women, children, innocent people all over the ground as a lone figure floated over Jump City. It laughed bitterly.

"I guess Terra wasn't the backstabber after all."

Regrets? All the time in the world wouldn't be enough for me to list all of mine.

It's hard to believe I had once had friends. I had once had a family. I had once been happy.

People had once cared for me. These peoples' whereabouts I know nothing of. After all, that would be quite counterproductive, wouldn't it?

They were trying to hide from the menace, so calling in the menace's adoptive daughter wasn't exactly the smartest thing possible, was it?

I was almost alone now. Two people care about me. No one else was left to care. Or they wanted me dead of course.

I was once a Titan too, but there is no path left for me there.

I am the little girl who did not overcome evil like my mother hoped I would, but became it instead. I am the betrayer of what I once considered my family. I am the adopted daughter of a man who brought countries to their knees. I am the apprentice that has the blood of more than a million people on my hands. I am Raven, now Rachael Roth, and this is the Roth Diary, story of my life.

January 1, 2005

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Like what you've read so far?! Intrigued, want to know more? Then review and let me know, and click that follow button!


	2. February 2005

I don't own the Teen Titans…

Two **important things you need to know**:

A) This is **not AU**

B) **Parents/Mentors** are the **same** thing

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_February 1, 2005_

_The Roth Diary Month 2_

"You wanted to speak with me daddy?" The figure turned.

"Yes my dear. Have a seat." I did as I was told.

The cold fabric of my black jumpsuit moved with my body and my straight black hair brushed against my face as I turned my grey piercing eyes to the man who adopted me. The man who I now called father. Slade.

He continued, "Your hand has been asked in courtship my dear."

"Courtship? Isn't it a bit modern for this method of dating dad?" I asked quizzically.

Slade sighed, "Times are changing I guess sweetheart. Either way, his mentors are Madam Rouge and Monsieur Mallah."

"I still don't get how those two got married."

"Love has a weird way of choosing its victims my dear. As I was saying, those are his mentors. I believe you actually know the boy, Johnny Rancid?"

My eyes widened, and Slade chuckled.

"I take it you do?" He asked, clearly amused at my expression.

"I mean, he's cool and all, but…" I stopped, not wanting to be mean about someone who wanted to date me.

"But?"

"He's kind of a creep…" I said, looking at the ground.

Slade chuckled, "If you don't want to go out with him sweetheart, I'll just tell his parents. I don't want you to do something you don't want."

I smiled. The man who had once been my nemesis, who I had once feared was now my father, and I loved him.

"What would you do daddy?"

"Well, I'm not a teenage girl so I wouldn't be into him." He joked and my smile grew.

"I'm serious daddy. What would you do?"

Slade sighed, "I would give it a try, and if I didn't like it, I would break up with him."

I nodded, "Then that's what I'll do. Thank you daddy." I hugged him and left.

"I'll tell his parents. Oh and Rachael," I turned back, "There are other guys who would die to date you if this doesn't work out."

I smiled and left. At first, having a father had been a foreign concept to me. But, Slade had always been there for me. It was weird, but he was the dad I always wanted. Hugging him made me feel safe. I lived by his advice. He was my hero, my role model.

I don't care what others say, I love my father. And Slade Wilson is my father. This is one of the few things I have no regrets about.

_The Roth Diary_

_Entry 2_

_This is Rachael Roth signing off_

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Review! One more important thing: **Raven** will be **referred to as Rachael!** Flame me for the Slade/Raven father/daughter relationship if you want, I don't give a shit! I like it!


	3. March 2005

Do not own Teen Titans!

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_March 1, 2005_

_The Roth Diary Month 3_

"Jennifer?" I called my best friend, the once powerful villainess Jinx.

"Yeah Rach?" She poked her head in the door.

"I have a date tonight." My friend raised an eyebrow and joined me on the bed.

"It's a war and crime- stricken world and you still have time to date?"

I smiled a tad, "Slade arranged it for me. With Johnny Rancid."

"Rancid? But he's a creep!"

"That's what I said! But I have faith in my dad. He'll do what's best for me."

"What are you going to wear?"

"I don't know."

A knock rang on the door, "Mistress Rachael, your father said to tell you that Mr. Rancid is here."

"I'll be there in fifteen!" I called, dismissing the servant.

I quickly got off of the bed, and began looking over my closet.

_"Friend Raven, this color would look so gorgeous on you."_

_"Sorry Star, I'm not really into pink."_

That's weird, memories don't usually hit me like that….

"It has to be something that looks decent, but not too good. You don't want him to think you're too interested." Jen called. I smirked, she very clearly did not like Rancid.

I decided on a simple red sweater, jeans, and black flat ankle boots. I put my hair in a quick ponytail and left the room.

As soon as I entered the room, three men rose. My dad, Monsieur Mallah, and Johnny.

"Rachael, this is-"

I interrupted him, "Monsier Mallah, we've met before." I smirked and shook his hand.

The monkey man scratched his neck nervously, "Ah, yes my deepest apologies for that Ms. Roth."

"All is forgiven Monsieur." I said, smiling as lightly and elegantly as possible.

My father cleared his throat, "And I believe you've also already met Johnny."

I turned to the once rebellious man. He was dressed in an elegant suit. This was usual dress for men after the- after the takeover. Just the thought made me mentally cringe.

Anyways, the man seemed much more sophisticated and mature now. His parents must have whipped him into shape.

"I have." I nodded, giving another classy smile.

"Well, we'll see you kids in a few hours." Slade smiled.

Johnny held out his hand, "Ms. Roth?"

_"Robin, please run."_

_"Not without you Raven, take my hand."_

_"I'm afraid she won't need saving."_

"Ms. Roth, are you alright?" All eyes were on me, but I didn't particularly care at the moment.

Why was this happening? Why was I remembering? These memories should be gone. Something was wrong. I shot my father a hard look, and looked at the man in front of me again.

"Yes Johnny, I'm fine. Let's go."

_The Roth Diary_

_Entry 3_

_This is Rachael Roth signing off_

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So, can you kind of see modern society and older society mingling? Anyways, I know a decent amount of questions are left after this chapter but don't worry, all shall be revealed!

And Wykkyd shall enter the picture eventually!

There's a poll on my profile about TT pairings, so vote!

And, check out the super cool community, The Dark Bird! We have amazing Raven centric stories!


	4. April 2005

Don't own Teen Titans

**The amount of reviews is dropping on some of my other stories, so try to keep up the amount of reviews!**

Thanks so much to Snix7 for all your help with the update schedule!

A very kind user convinced me to continue writing so I decided to not take a break! Amazing what readers can do in a single day!

Thank you so much to TheGhost129, KhaalidaNyx, ilikehats2, Snix7, kristovikraven1, IloveRaeRedx, and The Raven's Nevermore for reviewing! You guys are amazing!

Guest- Glad you like them!

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_April 1, 2005_

_The Roth Diary Month 4_

"A penny for your thoughts?"

"Trust me Mr. Rancid, my thoughts are worth much more than that."

He chuckled and I moved my rook to D5.

"What's on your mind Rachael?"

"You should pay more attention to the game." I warned, as he easily took my queen.

"Hm, it is hard to look at a chess board when such a beautiful woman is sitting right in front of you."

My face remained stone.

"Many people do claim that woman was the downfall of man."

"What, with all the Adam and Eve business?" I nodded, and he took one of my bishops next.

"That's bull shit." He said and took a knight.

"You do not believe a woman is capable enough to cause the fall of mankind?" I moved my surviving bishop.

"I do not believe a woman is deadly enough. You don't even have the heart to beat me in a game of chess." He took my rook.

"Hm," I pondered, and moved my bishop to the perfect position, "Checkmate, Mr. Rancid."

His eyes widened as I rose from my chair.

"I told you to pay attention to the game."

I remained emotionless and walked to my room.

A servant near Rancid spoke, "Ms. Roth is a different kind of woman Mr. Rancid. You would be foolish to think she was anything but lethal."

_The Roth Diary_

_Entry 4_

_This is Rachael Roth signing off_

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Review! So, this is what I imagined Rae/Rancid fluff to be like, how do you think I did? This is short simply because we can't have action every chapter, can we? Explanations will come soon!

**Now, I know the religious info I had in here was off, and this does not represent my views in any way.** It was just for the sake of the story and my take on how a conversation on this topic between these two particular characters would go. I'm sorry if I offended anyone.


	5. May 2005

Don't own Teen Titans!

THANK YOU FOR YOUR PATIENCE! Expect an update in a few weeks after finals!

**Keep up the amount of reviews!**

Thanks to kristovikraven1, Snix7, Angel of Darkness 1214, PetrichirGirl13, The Raven's Nevermore, and KhaalidaNyx for reviewing! You all are the best!

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_May 1, 2005_

_The Roth Diary Month 5_

"You called for me Daddy?"

"Yes, my dear. Come in." I entered the office, and closed the door behind me.

"How are things going with you, and Johnny?"

"Very well Daddy."

"Good, good."

"Is there something else you needed Dad?"

"Ah yes, I have a mission for you." He said in an almost, nervous, manner. My father never got nervous. This was not good.

"What kind of mission?" I asked, hoping this was just some simple spying or hacking, which I usually did nowadays, that needed to be done.

"There is a rebel uprising uptown. The guards are having trouble putting it down. Your assistance is needed." I gulped, knowing what was to come.

"And?"

"And, Nightwing is leading it." I didn't even flinch.

My ex- leader's heroism didn't surprise me. I expected him to be the first to stand up. I also knew that in the end, it would come down to him and I.

"I'll leave immediately. Where is it?"

"Steel City. Be careful, Rachael. There are other Titans there, and they're vengeful."

I nodded, "Don't worry. I'll take care of it, quick and clean."

I heard my father sigh as I walk out of the room.

"That's exactly what I'm worried about."

I quickly walk into my room, and think about my father's last words.

_That's what I'm worried about_

What was that supposed to mean? Did he know something I didn't?

I pushed these thoughts to the back of my head. Today would be filled with enough emotion, I didn't need to add more to that.

I entered my room, and reached for my uniform. The soft, black jump suit slid easily onto my body. I zipped up my boots, and put my black hair up.

I stared at myself in the mirror. Things have changed so much. I never could have pictured myself here a few years ago.

My past had been flipped upside down, and pushed away. If only it would stay away, but it kept coming up. It was coming back today.

I hear a knock on my door, "Rachael, are you going to take a ship to Steel?"

I recollect myself, "No, I think I'll fly Jen."

I heard her sigh on the other side of the door, "Okay, but if you want to talk-"

I opened my door, and pushed past her, "I'm fine."

I found myself relieved when she didn't follow. The memory kept haunting me. Every waking moment of the day. Every sleeping moment of the night. It was always there.

"_Robin, please run."_

"_Not without you Raven, take my hand."_

"_I'm afraid she won't need saving."_

Why won't it just leave me alone? Why can't I just forget? This was not the way things were suppposed to turn out.

I reached the door out of the building, and exited. I breathed in, and felt my feet lift off the ground.

I wonder if Nightwing's changed. I mean, besides taking on the new persona. I wonder if he remembers me, how he feels about me.

Those are both stupid questions. Of course, he remembers me. I know perfectly well how he feels about me. He despises me.

I look down at the ground. What had happened to the world? The trees were all burnt. Buildings lie scattered everywhere. Ash covered the ground. The land was silent, and death made its way into the air.

I know what happened. I know I was the one who did this with my own hands. I was the one who brought down Jump City. I was the one who brought down most cities. No one else could be that cruel, not many people at least.

Noise began to grasp my ears. Screams, and yells. Weapons, and the wounded. I was near. Steel City was below me in no time.

Time to focus. I quickly conjured up my powers, I felt my father's influence wash over me.

I threw fire straight at the ground toward the enemy.

"What took you so long?" X snarled as I landed.

"None of your business, asshole." I snarled right back, but smiled inwardly. That was his way of asking if I was okay, and that was my way of answering I was fine.

Not really.

But, he didn't need to know that. No one did.

We were split up when a purple beam came between us.

I sighed, "Time to get back to work."

My eyes glowed red, and I took off. I found myself easily blasting, and kicking down many of the rebel men.

One seemed to actually resist my power. I attempted kicking his feet down from under him. He got back up. I attempted shooting him back with my powers. He dodged.

Guilt already rose up in me. There was only one move left.

I reached into the man's body. I felt his soul. It was tough, but good. I could tell he was a loving man, probably had a family. And just like that, I grabbed hold of his heart, and yanked. I felt his soul fight back, and try to get rid of me. I ignored it, and pulled his heart straight out of his chest.

The man collapsed, and I felt his innocence fade. Guilt overwhelmed me when I felt pressure connect with my chest. Pain shot up through me as I hit the cold, hard ground.

"Bitch." The words left his mouth like poison, and I immediately know who kicked me down.

"Well, hello to you too Nightwing." In a matter of seconds, I was back on my feet.

We just stood there for a few seconds, eyes glued on each other. His gaze demanding, mine cold. It seemed like all the fighting and death around us was blocked out.

"Why Raven?"

To be honest, I'd seen the question coming. Nightwing was never one to beat around the bush. Perhaps, it was the reason I dreaded coming here in the first place. That didn't mean I had an answer to it.

"I don't know."

I could tell he was angry. And it became even worse with my words.

"Don't give me that shit. You betrayed us all. You were behind the Takeover. You lied to us all, and we trusted you."

I remained frozen. I- I didn't know what to do. What did he want me to say?

All of a sudden, I heard a deep yell,

"You whore. You killed Terra."

I gasped and immediately felt my back hit the ground. His body was on top of me with all its force.

"You should've died. Not her. She didn't deserve it, you did, you evil witch." I cringed at Beast Boy's words.

What did they want me to say? Yes, I betrayed him. All of their accusations were true. I helped Slade, and the villains overthrow the Titans. Yes, I became a spy in the end. Yes, I killed Terra.

I was behind the Takeover, one of the biggest events in history. What did they want me to say?

I stayed silent, and quickly pushed him off of myself. He hit the floor, a few feet away. Sobs racked his body, but I stayed emotionless.

Guilt churned in my stomach. I had torn him. He didn't deserve this. None of them did. His anger rose again and he lunged at me with all his might.

I felt his claws dig into my shoulders. His teeth trying to connect with my face. All of his bodily force was on me, and it was heavy.

I saw X start to run over.

I held out my hand, "No. I've got this." He nodded, and ran away.

I felt Beast Boy pour more force onto me. His teeth were getting dangerously close to my face.

I felt my guilt spur even more as I realized he was not going to stop. This was it. There was no other way. I had to do it. It was either him or me.

I reached into his chest. His soul was- it was shredded. It was torn and bruised. I pushed past it, and pulled on his heart. His soul resisted as most do, but I continued. In a matter of seconds, he collapsed, and I was holding his heart.

"Ms. Roth, Nightwing, and a few of the other rebels got away." One of the fighters ran up to me. I ignored him, and stared at my friend's dead body on the floor.

"I- I'm sorry." I whispered. I could feel liquid forming around my eyes.

"I'm so sorry." Two people there in Jump City. One filled with hatred, the other with regret. One good, one bad. One dead, one alive.

And, still the memory would not leave me alone,

"_Robin, please run."_

"_Not without you Raven, take my hand."_

"_I'm afraid she won't need saving."_

It would never leave me alone.

_The Roth Diary_

_Entry 5_

_This is Rachael Roth signing off_

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The amount of reviews is dropping so:

**PLEASE REVIEW!**

Oh, and we're not done with Nightwing or the rebels. Not at all, more will be revealed about them in the future. And that flashback Raven keeps having (it was in chapter 3 as well), will not leave her alone either. Oh, and what did Slade mean in the beginning, "That's what I'm afraid of." Or what about the Takeover, what exactly is it? Or, how X ended up in Slade's control? Answers to come for the lovely people who review!

Wykkyd will make an appearance, eventually! Also, you'll notice Raven's power have slightly changed. That and the whole pulling out heart/soul thing will be explained in the future! More info on what happened with Raven, Terra, and the other Titans will also be revealed eventually!


	6. June 2005

I do not own Teen Titans…

**AAAAAHH! I LOVE YOU GUYS! Keep reviewing as much as you did last chapter!**

Hehe, and the long update time? Hee, lazy bug… I sorry! I'll try not to let it happen again!

Thank you Angel of Darkness 1214, krostovikraven1, animalsavior, Alchemist15, Snix7, Petrichorgirl13, gabylokita41, and KarasuDarkAngel for reviewing! You guys are awesome!

Snix7- Thank you! And, lol, I agree, Red X is pretty amazing!

Petrichorgirl13- Haha, your questions will be answered eventually! Thank you for the nice review!

**Ok, important thing about this chapter is to remember that people keep on referencing the Takeover, and how Raven was an important part in it!**

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_June 1, 2005_

_The Roth Diary Month 6_

I don't know how I got roped into this. Something about needing to distract myself, I don't exactly remember, but the point is here I was, in a classroom full of third graders at my father's base.

"Alright class, let's open our books to page 159, please." Jen's voice rang through the classroom, and the children silenced.

I inwardly smiled, Jen must be an awesome teacher to have. I remember when I was a child. I got stuck with strict monks, who were very determined to dictate my life for me word for word.

"Today, we're going to learn about the Takeover."

I froze. They taught about _that_?

"Now, could you imagine a world where groups of vigilantes, who called themselves 'heroes', ran around doing whatever they so please? A world where people who had names like 'Superman' and 'Wonder Woman' were in charge of the law?"

Were these children really so young that they didn't know about the world before the Takeover? That they didn't know the world before it was purged of Superman, and Wonder Woman, of superheroes?

Jen continued on with her lesson, "It sounds dangerous, doesn't it? It sounds like it would be easy for these 'superheroes' to get us killed, right?"

My brain was racing around, playing memories. Of the Takeover, of before, of after, of my old friends.

"At the rate they were going, these superheroes were going to get the world destroyed. The worst of them called themselves 'The Justice League'. They sat in their watch tower above us in space, acting like gods, like they owned us, and one day, someone decided to do something about it."

I felt myself getting nauseous. God, please don't say what I think you're going to, Jen.

"That someone was Slade Wilson."

Several hands shot up in that air.

"Ooh, ooh, Ms. Hex! Ms. Hex!"

"I know who he is!"

"I have a question! Pick me! Pick me!"

Jen chuckled, "Alright, alright, calm down. Many of you know him as President Wilson, of the United States. But, before that, he was a man who wanted to fight for human rights by bringing justice to superheroes. He did this with only a handful of people."

She continued, "One of these people was a young woman named Rachael Roth."

It felt like the breath was being sucked out of me.

"When Slade first approached Rachael about his plan to overthrow the superheroes, her name was Raven, and she was one of the vigilantes herself. When he told her about what he wanted to do, she valiantly agreed. She bravely infiltrated the heroes from inside, learning their weaknesses, ultimately bringing the Justice League down."

My head was spinning, my thoughts all scattered. My mind was screaming.

"President Wilson ultimately adopted Rachael, and helped her unlock her hereditary powers. Now, they both fight for human rights, and equality by making sure the superheroes don't rise up. Alright, let's discuss their biggest problem, public enemy number one, the Teen Tita-"

That was it. That was what broke me.

I immediately shot up from my seat, and felt my feet moving. I was sprinting, towards where? I didn't know. I just had to get out of there. Away from those forsaken words. It seemed like I had been racing down the school halls for hours, the whole world spinning.

I finally saw the sign for a bathroom.

I ran in, and felt the bile rise up in my throat. As I hurled, and hurled, I vaguely registered the door opening.

"You okay?" Jen asked, gently, putting a hand on my back.

_No._ Of course, I'm not okay. I'm a horrible person, and there I was listening to a glorified version of the terrible things I did.

The government was brainwashing people. They were feeding them _lies._

Slade and I did not bring about some magnificent revolution.

We brought the villains to power by murdering the Justice League.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

_The Roth Diary_

_Entry 6_

_This is Rachael Roth signing off_

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**Review!**


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